The Dying Wives (Why I think it’s best for wives to submit to their husbands)
I knew that submission to my husband was part of the deal upon entering marriage. Of course, it’s easier said than done. When I thought I knew all when it comes to marriage (based on those seminars and theories for single people, you know), I struggled very much when I realized he didn’t agree with me about some parts of life I found hardest to let go of.
In my head, I knew I had to submit. We are one now, a team, and we cannot walk toward different directions. We must only choose one path for our company. But in my heart I was lobbying for my right, that I am right, that what I wanted was not wrong, why can’t we just go my way? Which is usually the question of many wives, too. In disagreements, why does it have to be his way and not mine?
The truth is we could have gone my way many times, but didn’t. At least in our marriage, I have made the choice to concede in the event of stalemates. I choose to acknowledge the leadership of my husband and let him have the last say, even if I was dying inside in many of those moments.
Submission is really a struggle especially when it boils down to views we hold deeply in our hearts like money, culture, values, dreams. It isn’t exactly easy to give up our careers, pursuits, goals, as we put our husbands, children, and homes first. Moreover, it seems unfair. Yet in the last seven years of practicing submission to my husband, I continue to do so for the following reasons.
My husband hears from God, too.
In our marriage, I surely have a number of times when I felt right and thought my husband was wrong. But when my husband cannot see it just yet, I trust that as I submit, God will speak to him in no time about it.
I always think of how, in the Bible, Joseph wanted to divorce Mary quietly, but God spoke to him in a dream to tell him that was the wrong decision. I always believe in my heart that my husband will hear from God when he needs to, and it really has happened to us a couple of times!
And so I must also add that this underscores the importance of being married to someone who sees himself as a leader who inquires of the Lord — the owner and founder of your marriage.
Note: Though it must be said that the Bible does say to subject ourselves to an unbelieving husband in 1 Peter 3:1-2 — a topic that deserves an article all on its own. Nevertheless, in its simplest reading, we can perhaps see that winning them over to our side by our respectful subjection to their leadership, as another proof falling under the next point.
The fruit of submission is always so encouraging.
Submission is like discipline. No one likes to do it, but when done right, everybody loves the fruit of it.
For my husband, as it trains him to be a better leader of our home. The more I express my support and respect for him, the better he gets at making decisions for our family. And the more he also understand how he cannot do everything on his own, and so respects the value I add as his “right hand woman,” by soliciting my wisdom and thoughts especially in areas where I am more experienced than him.
For myself, as there were many things I thought to be right and could have done my way but glad to have proceeded otherwise because in retrospect, they really weren’t the best ideas. Not the easiest thing to admit but many times, God chooses to provide insight about our lives through our husbands; I cannot count the number of times where my husband’s wisdom has saved me.
Now as a wife and mother, it has taught me to be a better team player and a little more selfless than normal. The more I submit, the more I think for the team’s success rather than my own selfish ambitions.
I’m not dying for nothing!
I love my husband, I love my family! When I give up dreams and ambitions — I am not dying for nothing! They are so worth it.
God will give what is due, in His time.
In 2012, I gave up my dreams of pursuing masters, because my husband thought it was best that I rest and work on building a good foundation for our marriage. (I never had the time to fully give my attention to our relationship, without work and school, two years before that.) His schedule could not incorporate my desired frequency for climbing mountains, so I also gave up the hobby. I also quit my acting career to be fully a wife for many years — perhaps the only thing I discontinued for the love of my husband that I did not feel bad about.
Now in 2014, the Lord gave me a new platform online which now serves as a new career path for me. 2017, my husband decides to make mountain climbing a monthly part of our family activities. Also this year, may husband is on top of things when it comes to putting me through further studies.
This is meant to encourage the wives out there that we will never miss out on those that God has truly willed and prepared for us. If we are meant to have that career, goal, hobby, success, no husband, and not even our own submission can stop it. I have personally seen that without our manipulation and force, what He has for us will come in the perfect form, in the perfect time, and no one can stop it.
Because it is ultimately about honoring the Lord.
Bottomline for me is that isn’t my husband who commanded it, but the Bible, it is God’s Word. And so I follow ultimately because of Him, with the assurance that as I honor and trust Him in this area, He won’t fail to give me a blessed family life.
These are all I could think of for now. We all come from very different situations and I do acknowledge that my husband is such a wonderful man that makes it easier than usual for a woman to submit and die to her own desires. But still, it hasn’t been perfect all the time. Because he isn’t right all the time, and neither am I. Yet with God’s grace we are getting better at this thing, as we both follow godly leadership and submission between man and wife — where both aim to serve, rather than command the other.
Any thoughts you might want to add to this? What is the hardest part of submission for you? Why do you choose to, even when it’s hard?