Mrs. Bo

Mrs. Bo, Passions, Read & Write, Reflections

The Dying Wives (Why I think it’s best for wives to submit to their husbands)

March 21, 2017, 20 Comments

I knew that submission to my husband was part of the deal upon entering marriage. Of course, it’s easier said than done. When I thought I knew all when it comes to marriage (based on those seminars and theories for single people, you know), I struggled very much when I realized he didn’t agree with me about some parts of life I found hardest to let go of.

In my head, I knew I had to submit. We are one now, a team, and we cannot walk toward different directions. We must only choose one path for our company. But in my heart I was lobbying for my right, that I am right, that what I wanted was not wrong, why can’t we just go my way? Which is usually the question of many wives, too. In disagreements, why does it have to be his way and not mine?

The truth is we could have gone my way many times, but didn’t. At least in our marriage, I have made the choice to concede in the event of stalemates. I choose to acknowledge the leadership of my husband and let him have the last say, even if I was dying inside in many of those moments.

Submission is really a struggle especially when it boils down to views we hold deeply in our hearts like money, culture, values, dreams. It isn’t exactly easy to give up our careers, pursuits, goals, as we put our husbands, children, and homes first. Moreover, it seems unfair. Yet in the last seven years of practicing submission to my husband, I continue to do so for the following reasons.

My husband hears from God, too. 

In our marriage, I surely have a number of times when I felt right and thought my husband was wrong. But when my husband cannot see it just yet, I trust that as I submit, God will speak to him in no time about it. 

I always think of how, in the Bible, Joseph wanted to divorce Mary quietly, but God spoke to him in a dream to tell him that was the wrong decision. I always believe in my heart that my husband will hear from God when he needs to, and it really has happened to us a couple of times!

And so I must also add that this underscores the importance of being married to someone who sees himself as a leader who inquires of the Lord — the owner and founder of your marriage.

Note: Though it must be said that the Bible does say to subject ourselves to an unbelieving husband in 1 Peter 3:1-2 — a topic that deserves an article all on its own. Nevertheless, in its simplest reading, we can perhaps see that winning them over to our side by our respectful subjection to their leadership, as another proof falling under the next point.

The fruit of submission is always so encouraging. 

Submission is like discipline. No one likes to do it, but when done right, everybody loves the fruit of it. 

For my husband, as it trains him to be a better leader of our home. The more I express my support and respect for him, the better he gets at making decisions for our family. And the more he also understand how he cannot do everything on his own, and so respects the value I add as his “right hand woman,” by soliciting my wisdom and thoughts especially in areas where I am more experienced than him.

For myself, as there were many things I thought to be right and could have done my way but glad to have proceeded otherwise because in retrospect, they really weren’t the best ideas. Not the easiest thing to admit but many times, God chooses to provide insight about our lives through our husbands; I cannot count the number of times where my husband’s wisdom has saved me.

Now as a wife and mother, it has taught me to be a better team player and a little more selfless than normal. The more I submit, the more I think for the team’s success rather than my own selfish ambitions.

I’m not dying for nothing!

I love my husband, I love my family! When I give up dreams and ambitions — I am not dying for nothing! They are so worth it. 

God will give what is due, in His time. 

In 2012, I gave up my dreams of pursuing masters, because my husband thought it was best that I rest and work on building a good foundation for our marriage. (I never had the time to fully give my attention to our relationship, without work and school, two years before that.) His schedule could not incorporate my desired frequency for climbing mountains, so I also gave up the hobby. I also quit my acting career to be fully a wife for many years — perhaps the only thing I discontinued for the love of my husband that I did not feel bad about.

Now in 2014, the Lord gave me a new platform online which now serves as a new career path for me. 2017, my husband decides to make mountain climbing a monthly part of our family activities. Also this year, may husband is on top of things when it comes to putting me through further studies.

This is meant to encourage the wives out there that we will never miss out on those that God has truly willed and prepared for us. If we are meant to have that career, goal, hobby, success, no husband, and not even our own submission can stop it. I have personally seen that without our manipulation and force, what He has for us will come in the perfect form, in the perfect time, and no one can stop it. 

Because it is ultimately about honoring the Lord. 

Bottomline for me is that isn’t my husband who commanded it, but the Bible, it is God’s Word. And so I follow ultimately because of Him, with the assurance that as I honor and trust Him in this area, He won’t fail to give me a blessed family life. 

These are all I could think of for now. We all come from very different situations and I do acknowledge that my husband is such a wonderful man that makes it easier than usual for a woman to submit and die to her own desires. But still, it hasn’t been perfect all the time. Because he isn’t right all the time, and neither am I. Yet with God’s grace we are getting better at this thing, as we both follow godly leadership and submission between man and wife — where both aim to serve, rather than command the other.

Any thoughts you might want to add to this? What is the hardest part of submission for you? Why do you choose to, even when it’s hard? 

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  • Reply Richt Blaza-Arcayna March 22, 2017 at 9:57 AM

    A very good read for women, single or married! Now as a new wife, in the framework that my system has developed for decision making, the end YES or NO in the diagram of submission to the small and big decisions my husband would make is the question: Will you choose obey God or not?

    It’s becoming easier to submit, of course by the grace of God.

    Thanks for this Mrs. Bo

  • Reply kring tobias March 22, 2017 at 10:41 AM

    This is so encouraging and a very good reminder of God’s sovereignity.

  • Reply May March 22, 2017 at 11:15 AM

    What do you do when you have a husband who doesn’t seem to put an importance on his leadership role? What advice can you give wives who want to encourage their husbands to “man up”?

    • Reply Mrs.BO March 24, 2017 at 12:26 AM

      It’s hard to give an advice from a distance. Best is if you could get counsel from wise people who know you and your spouse well. But maybe the Scripture I mentioned above, 1 Peter 3:1-2, helps a bit by encouraging us to opt for a behavior that will help him become more of the leader he ought to be. Thinking encouraging words, opportunities for him to lead, and hints of building a relationship with another couple where the man might encourage him to think the way of leadership. Aside from that, PRAY. Unceasingly. That God will bring you both to a point of revelation about the true calling of man and wife. 🙂 Hope this somehow helps!

      • Reply May April 4, 2017 at 11:10 PM

        Hi Rica! Thank you for the advice. I just really wanted to know how we can “push” our husbands to take the lead. I guess I just have to be more patient with my husband when it comes to leading our family. My impatience sometimes “forces” me to take the lead. I guess I’m impulsive? Haaay! Maybe it’s also me who has a problem…because I’m impatient…Okay prayer and patience, then 🙂 thanks, Rica! ❤️

    • Reply Candice March 25, 2017 at 11:58 AM

      Try reading The Power of Praying Wife a book written by Stormie Omartian. Praying for your husband consistently invite GOD’s power into your husband’s life. You can submit to GOD in prayer whatever controls your husband, laziness, being childish, not taking the role of a leader and ask GOD to release him from those things… this book has different chapters, it concentrates on different areas of your husbands life and you will also praying the scriptures… it might take some time for you to see changes, but prayer does work… be intentional and consistent…

      • Reply May April 4, 2017 at 10:59 PM

        Thank you, Candice! I’ve been thinking about getting that book before. It’s so refreshing to hear (read) advices like this.

  • Reply Joy March 22, 2017 at 1:55 PM

    “This is meant to encourage the wives out there that we will never miss out on those that God has truly willed and prepared for us. If we are meant to have that career, goal, hobby, success, no husband, and not even our own submission can stop it. I have personally seen that without our manipulation and force, what He has for us will come in the perfect form, in the perfect time, and no one can stop it. ” This spoke volumes to me. As a woman, I have dreams and desires. Most of them have been put aside or staying in the back burner for so long a time. There are times when I’d say to myself maybe I won’t be able to fulfill them. That’s because I have to “submit”. However, I know that the God whom we serve is faithful. He has put these aspirations in my heart. He will fulfill them, not according to my time and design but according to His purpose and plan. As I look to Him in this season of waiting, am reminded of this, “Be faithful where you are planted.”

    Thank you, Mrs. Bo for sharing.

  • Reply Sheng mendoza March 22, 2017 at 4:40 PM

    Worth reading for single/married couple…thank you Mrs.Bo

  • Reply nadine March 22, 2017 at 6:43 PM

    What a timely and Interesting read as I would like to pursue my master’s and work at the same time. This gave me light to everything that’s been going on today.

  • Reply Julie March 22, 2017 at 6:45 PM

    Submission to my husband is one of the greatest transformation I received when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior & Lord. I cannot do it by my own but through the grace of God I learned to submit every decision in our family, every step of my career path & in my spiritual journey too. If not for these changes that he sees in me, I cannot bring my husband to Christ. So I really praise & thank God for changing me to become a submissive wife because it has given my marriage a very strong foundation that no matter how hard & difficult we encounter still we overcome…
    I encourage all wives to obey the word of God to become submissive to our husbands because obedience always bring blessings…

  • Reply Jane March 23, 2017 at 6:56 AM

    this is one of the things I absolutely can not stand about Christian teaching. This pushes women to stay in abusive marriages and let themselves be victims! If you’re being abused, emotionally, physically or mentally, this is bullshit. If there’s only one person working for the relationship, there must be a limit to trying and staying. If youre bugbog to death, submitting is stupid. I hope you write something about this and address this.

    • Reply Mrs.BO March 24, 2017 at 12:36 AM

      Hi Jane. I never said stay in the marriage kahit nabubugbog ka na. I was addressing just the mere struggle to submit.

      I have had to counsel different couples with my husband and we always stand by the word of God when it says that husbands MUST NOT BE HARSH to their wives. We also stand by verbal and physical abuse as unacceptable in marriage. If this is totally unresolvable, the best resort is for the woman to leave, then she is advised to leave. This is a completely different topic that deserves an entry all on its own.

  • Reply Cheng March 23, 2017 at 9:19 AM

    What if your husband is not a born leader…and you are a natural one. How do we sumbit to that knowing that “our choice is the best option” and you cannot take the risk for an opportunity that is at best. some if not most women think in advanced, plans/schedules and does forecast 10 steps ahead versus men. How do we deal about this challenge? Thank you for sharing this! It is very enlightening and timely!

    • Reply Mrs.BO March 24, 2017 at 12:39 AM

      Haha, Cheng! I wish I can talk to you face to face because it’s hard to write a response to this very valid concern.

      Okay, at least between me and my husband, we’ve learned to “share” the leadership role. Or maybe more like, we learned to play by our strengths. He is more structured, I am more of a visionary. He is great at ministry, I am better at finance. We have learned to accept that God has made us both better at some things and we play by that. If you and your husband can find a way to navigate through the load of work and agree on who is more experienced at whatever than who, then maybe your husband can better shine and so do you!

  • Reply Kate Perez March 24, 2017 at 10:40 AM

    This is just so true. 🙂 i always find it hard to submit to my husband. With full honesty, we would always have passionate discussions because i always think I’m right haha! but it really takes a lot of humility and God’s thorough grace to submit and at the end, realize that we made the right decision- i made the right decision to heed to my husband’s decisions and perspective in life. it feels good when you both succeed on something because both agreed to do it. and feels much better when you know God is honored and pleased thru obedience by submitting. Thanks ate Carla! 🙂

  • Reply Romanelle Aguila March 24, 2017 at 3:22 PM

    This is an amazing post Mrs.Bo. I love how you show us the beauty and the power of submitting to our husbands. I know this principle already even before I get married because I learned it from the church and I thought I know enough and I can do it easily. But being married, I understand now, why some women have a hard time doing so.I too am not perfect in this but I continuously remind myself that it is God’s design to make the husband the head of the family. I may not see the full benefit because I can only see what I see, but God has a better view on things and if we follow His plans, we’re sure to be in the right place.

    For those asking how to deal with a husband who is not born leader or how to encourage their husband to ‘man up’ , I think the best way is to let them lead. It’s tempting to do something or take the lead, but there’s no better way than to be still and let the husband take up his role. Don’t assume his role and be patient on him, he’ll get there.

    And the best advice has been mentioned by Mrs. Bo, pray for the husband.

  • Reply Romanelle Aguila March 24, 2017 at 4:44 PM

    Thank you for this Mrs. Bo! You make us see the beauty and the power of submission to husband. Easier said than done, but I always remind myself that it is God’s design to make husbands the leader of the family and if I follow that, I’m sure to be inside God’s plan. Working on this every single day. This post is an additional inspiration for me to keep doing it.

  • Reply Submit or Separate? (What to do when my husband is not leading and loving?) - Mrs. Bo April 4, 2017 at 10:01 AM

    […] entry is to address concerns raised by some women when I wrote about why I thought submitting to our husbands is the best thing to do in our marriage. Although I wrote that to speak to wives who find it difficult to surrender our power to make […]

  • Reply Lily April 29, 2017 at 11:04 AM

    Im not the submissive type. Hubby is.I submit when I know less and he knows more or when I know that it is one of his strengths.But when I know more and he knows less, he submits..hehe

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